I feel a few emotions at the moment, mainly despair and hopelessness, if I wasn’t feeling unwell the last week or so maybe recovery and weight gain wouldn’t be feeling so forced.
Seeing the nurse fill a styrofoam cup with frothy, thick resource supplement and then seeing it be put in the syringe before being connected to my NG tube really makes me distraught. I can feel it travelling through the tube and filling my stomach but I can’t taste it. It makes me unbearably full and it makes me feel disgusting.
Following feeds and meal times that I can manage I feel like my face is getting huger and huger. I fear weight gain but I fear feeling more unstable, more.. I guess there’s nothing I can do right now other than try and get through each day and maintain a healthy balance.