I wish people in my family would understand

I wish people without ED understood that I fight every single second, minute, hour,  day to not constantly act on my eating disorder behaviours. I may be sitting at my laptop in the lounge room thinking:

“You have to eat your lunch now.”
“But I don’t want to. People are watching.”
“You have to.  Eat. You can do this.”

Whereas normal people don’t even consider eating- they just do it.

I have to constantly restrain myself from body checking. I often find my hands resting on my collarbones or hip bones. It’s like I can’t help it but I have to tell myself to stop.

Every single choice related to food, eating, engaging with others, listening to thoughts in my head, comparing myself to when I was thinner, control, body image, confidence matters.

Surviving with an eating disorder is a full time job. People who don’t know what I’m struggling with don’t realize the amount of work I am putting in to make myself get through each day.

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